The topic of your communication with your family as part of how you relate to them is one of the most important aspects that influence all of your relationships. In the following article we will specifically look at ways to improve the quality of communication with your family of origin as well as your own family.
Family of Origin
Your mother, father and siblings form your family of origin. The relationship structures you have currently in your life will be heavily influenced by how you learnt to relate in your family of origin. Communication is just one part of that relating.
Your own family
Your husband or wife, partner, your children and grand-children form your own family. It is here that you bring your beliefs and programming about family, relating and communication, which you picked-up in your family of origin. You play out your own version of relating to each other, which might either be an adaptation or a rebellious opposite version of your family of origin.
Communication is not just in the words
Communication is the way we interact with each other. It is important to remember that communication happens on various levels from non-verbal body language to the verbal part with the words you are using and the tonality with which you deliver them. More than half of the communication happens without any words. Just remember all those messages you got from your mother and father that were transmitted just by looks, shoulder shrugs, arm movements or even leg kicks. Which ones of those do you currently use in your own family?
Awareness brings choice
The first step in improving your communication is the awareness of all the positive and negative programming that you have picked up during your upbringing. The second step is, now that you are an adult with conscious choice, to rethink your programming and start making your own choices.
Becoming a clear ‘I’ in the ‘We’
As an adult you have the right to have an adult to adult relationship with your mum and dad, which means that you are allowed to have opposing opinions or values. Knowing that in yourself does not necessarily mean that you have to discuss every situation that you don’t agree on. Some might be better left aside, whereas some might have to be openly clarified, especially if in the past you might have undermined your own needs for the sake of having your parent’s approval. Communications like: ‘No mum, I really do not want you to smoke in my house and in front of the children’ mean that you become clearer about who you are, in your own identity and with your own values, as opposed to just being a daughter or son that needs to follow their parent’s ideas.
In your own family you will realise now, being an adult, what it means to relate and communicate with partner, children etc. Suddenly you might come to a better understanding of the challenges your parents had with you, your siblings and each other.
Remember that actualizing the relationships within your family of origin, which means bringing more honestly, clarity and truth in communication and becoming a clear ‘I’ (self identity) in the ‘we’, will allow you to relate better in your own family, as well as with friends, colleagues and associates.
Dallas contemporary furniture | Looking for a Small Business for Sale? Punch Pubs is the most convenient solution for bars for sale | Mario Games | Web Hosting